One and half hour at CCD

That evening desperately wanted to have a cup of coffee

         things were in a mess ...but guess mess of wat!!!!!! butterflies in my stomach, wanted to be surrounded by flowers, music that could make me dance on my toes, but the best part was ,,,,this mess was not a result of any complains or unfulfilled desires or dreams...it was so blissful ....wanted to think again why is it all happening again...they say "HISTORY REPEATS" but certainly is everything so precise ???????...that differentiating between is a tough task ahead....

it has been good 5 months ...and this is so all fascinating but with an element of uncertainty as always ..still those two deadly sides of a coin....i want to dress, to dance, to drive...be forgetful , be an oblivion on this planet....things have chnaged in  fractions of second.....but sumthing which remains the same is that m still far from commitments, and deadlines.....was sitting with a cup of coffee and was trying to think absolutely absurd,,,like ..wish if tere existed an office were there we no reporting bosses and timings....no Targets, no rules, but only birthdays bashes. party animals, music gifts....and amidst all sumone whom culd make u fall in love with life.....and suddenly my blackberry rang and guess wat ..."BOSS  CALLING"..WAKE UP DARLING .....things only existed in fascination....but i was in love with it ...

another thought was travelling to and fro...m cuming closer and closer to a time which m still not prepared ,,,,dont want to share sumone else's surname ....really dont want to be responsible wife ,,,and then a loving mother ....and finally so many knots of relationships...no i dont want that ?????....the more these things cum closer the more far i want to go....so that they can never catch me ....its like paying "HIDE & SEEK"...but it is actually "A LOT CAN HAPPEN OVER A COFFEE"...and m back to work.....

        

METRO(23 NOV)

Waking up early in the morning to catch the first metro that cumes my way ,so that I can be on time to my office…rushing on those accelators so that I can catch the one at the station rather than waiting for the second one….and finally after panting breathlessly I won that victory of catching the first metro..”oh god thanks ..i managed to catch this one”…

Its is journey for 2 hours seemed like how and will this hour pass!! Lots of thoughts came …is it to watch pple in, or is to hear students talk”yaar maine kuch prepare ni kiya ….wat will happen to my scores”, “aaj Organizational behaviour ke teacher absent hone wali hai”,”I dumped Rahul before he cud actually try that on me”, “urwashi rocks in Big Boss”pple discussing their daily chores of life …but this is just one hour …wat to do with the next one hour this is me pondering over sumthing or the other…and then suddenly heard “There will be a short delay , we apologise for the inconvenience” and  now I have sumthing else to think of in the next hour!!!!!wow…..Y damn this metro!!!!!”aaj to mai time par thhi”

Wat next …called mah frnds..hey gal”WHAT’s UP” anything new in stores…To which the reply is much expected haan “yaar kat ri hai… “hmmmmm..now wat iske paass bhi kuch time pass ni nikla..nd .realised that there is lot to say behind “kat ri hai “so many things are hidden, undiscovered , unloved, un forgettable, unbelievable…with a fear of confession, fear to loose sumthing , fear to be lonely ..sumtimes fear of being getting loved…lot of mess is around..lot many twist and turns, surprises and shocks but still we have to move on just as this metro is …inspite of these delays….and next station is “dwarka SEC 10” …so the journey ends…hope I have a good day in office today….!!!!!!!

chahat: EVENTUALLY….

chahat: EVENTUALLY….: SHE SAID that I love the way he loves me , hugs me scolds me that warmth makes everything so easy that life seems lovable, it is wen ev...

EVENTUALLY….

SHE SAID that I love the way he loves me , hugs me scolds me that warmth makes everything so easy that life seems lovable, it is wen every second I want to capture I wish that second be the longest moment ….it all differs in every aspect ….to sum it is madness which is beyond extremes….to sum madness exist within extremes….experiences, instances, are different for everyone and  so this feeling .i have felt that kind of passion that aggression that desire that eagerness that madness which is so beautiful that it s difficult to express in words…but I’m scared of the pain that agony that level of acceptance of sumone else In ma life…it interrogates that will that emotion will ever go beyond that extremes….he is noone but still he is sumone…..i want to dance in the rain ….drive to the highest speed…drink like insane…..act like sumone whose real but ……don’t know wats stopping me …..i’m afraid….will I be the same of who I m 2day…is it justifiable? will the twist and turns change things? or the feelings within me …will that meaning of life be the same …..i ve been occupied with many errands but still that contemplation is on and on , she says that things eventually fall in line…and very soon we all be in  the que..

WORTH ......

M not in love with this morning .....m disturbed. with  many things around.. what is right and what is wrong sometimes gets really difficult to decide on..she said this is right time to disclose ...but wat if  my wish is not granted ......every time there is   an urge a desperation  to see, to feel, to hear, to love, to admire, to adore, ...and to live every emotion to every extreme. last night cud not sleep well..is it all about being explanatory at all points of time...every thing was damn spontaneous that didnt even gave thought that the situation wud actually be so messed up ...different pple with different perceptions..I will not enter  until i feel your damn fragrance was the thought last night ....it felt ...as if i really dunt want to be cared for..." strange... it is actully wired to be feeling like this"..  .....really dunt want to explain everything to everyone...it felt as if he is no were ...".but how to explain his WORTH" was the fault really that big that it is not pardonable...or things are like that .....there is constant fear of abandoning that expression...making everything incomplete...as this note is ....want to express but m speechless.....this silence is being the most trusted partner as of now....

lost and lonely

Some days back my frend said that some element is missing ..m not the same ...but i ignored and at the othe r end agreed to the fact ....just didnt wanted to reveal..and same thing repeated the other day while travelling via metro....i was in his cabin and he explained that a wrong decision can completely ruin you ...and making a new start is really not easy....i' m angry , m frustrated, helpless at times ..this world is not acceptable , pple are not acceptable, "is this really not meant for me"? its all about involvement about the determination if yes....then what is lacking.... this perplexity is not willing to leave me .....feeling like getting drunked till extreme .... wants to be completely blank ..even that cup of coffee fails to make over things back my way .....getting wet in the rain ...is not my desire these days...not willing to accept the change.....dont know wen will things be on track the way i want them ....hane always accepted everything with both hands what life has to really offer but this time ...life seems to be unjustifiable...recognition, appreciations, applauses, praises are not cuming my way ....i'm a free bird and dont want to loose my independence....dunt want to be in prison of sumone elses desire.....feels so lonely